Are they twins?

A boy and a girl?
No, two boys. (I don’t know why everyone automatically asks this. But they do – almost every time.)

How do you tell them apart?
I look at them. They do look similar, but they look like brothers. It’s easy to tell them apart in person.

They must be identical. I mean, LOOK at them, I can’t tell them apart.
Nope. Fraternal twins. No, seriously. They’re really not identical. Identical twins are, well, identical. Fraternal twins are simply siblings born at the same time.

Fraternal? Oh, because they’re brothers?
Once they go away to college, each will make his own individual decision on whether or not to join a fraternity – a group of persons associated by, or as if by, ties of brotherhood. Fraternal twins make up approximately 75% of the twin population and can be boy/boy, girl/girl, or boy/girl sets. (As mentioned above, the muppets are boy/boy.) Fraternal, or “dizygotic”, twins happen when two separate sperm fertilize two separate eggs.

Are they paternal?
Yes, they have a father. There was only one virgin birth. Of course, neither did they spring forth from their father’s head, without a mother, as gods of wisdom.

Are they external?
They were born last May if that is what you’re implying…

Were they in the same sac?
Hello. Nice to meet you, too. Will you be sharing your gynecological history with me as well?

Do twins run in your family?
No. This question routinely follows once we have established that they are, in fact, twins. There is no such thing as a twin gene. There is absolutely no evidence, other than circumstantial, that twins are more likely to occur every other generation. A family history of twins is only one of many factors. Maternal age, race, weight, diet and reproductive history all contribute to the possibility of twins.

Are they natural? (Also asked as Are they real?)
“They are not robots. They are made of organic material.” Is your kid natural, or perhaps artificial?

Did you take fertility drugs?
Do I know you? Or is discussing medical ailments the latest social trend?

Did you have a c-section?
Yes. And yes, I know there are many out there who think c-sections are evil money making ploys by doctors or selfish busy moms. We discussed all options with our doctors, who presented us with their medical opinion that a natural birth would be too traumatic for the tiny preemie persons.

Are you breastfeeding?
Their nutritional needs are exceptionally met.

Did you know you were going to have twins?
I did not have a psychic, out-of-body experience or dream foreshadowing the twins arrival. I did have an ultrasound where the nurse confirmed two healthy heartbeats and two bouncing babies. So, yes. Their actual arrival did not surprise us.

Did you plan on having twins?
Two, yes. Twins, no. My response to hearing those two healthy heartbeats: “My baby has two hearts?!” How does one “plan” twins anyway?

Are they the same age?

Which one is older?
They’re twins. They’re the same age. They were both born at 1:32 p.m. (No joke.) But if you insist – Caden experienced the big wide world 30 seconds before Logan.

So how old are they exactly?
That depends on what we’re talking about – birthday, homecoming or due date. They were born 12 weeks (three months) early. Actual age is based on their date of birth; adjusted age is calculated from their due date. Homecoming is a happy milestone.

Are they developmentally behind?
Thus far, all their graduate school applications have been denied. They are expected to exhibit a developmental delay of three months until they are about 3 years old. This is akin to comparing their milestones to their adjusted age rather than their actual.

So are you going to have sextuplets next – like Jon and Kate?
Ha. Ha.

Aren’t you completely outnumbered by boys?
Yes. In addition to the muppets and my husband, our two dogs are both males. Even the tree in the front yard is a male tree. (Fisheries biologist friend informed us of that one.) I also have a brother and a brother-in-law.

Are you going to try again for a girl?
Someday we may adopt a girl dog.

I love that you call them the muppets. How did you come up with that?
Several hours before their imminent arrival, as medical personnel scurried about prepping an OR, Jon posted a cryptic status update on Facebook. “It’s time to play the music/It’s time to light the lights/It’s time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight!” It stuck.

Which muppets do they remind you of?
Now that they’re big giant babies, they seem to personify Kermit and Fozzie Bear. Caden is thoughtful and takes everything in around him. Logan is his happy-go-lucky best friend and constantly cracking jokes that no one can understand as of yet. As tiny little guys in the NICU, with their preemie pattern baldness, they were eerily similar to Statler and Waldorf – the cranky old men up in the balcony.

How come their names don’t match?
Whatever do you mean? Their names match them perfectly. If you are asking why they don’t have cutesy rhyming alliterative names – although born at the same time, they are individuals. Our last name is Stream; out of respect for our children and the desire to save money on future therapy sessions, the first names are not nouns.

Why don’t you dress them identically?
They are individual people. Besides, you’ve made it clear you need some way to tell them apart…

Did you know who was who before they were born?
They made themselves known. Logan (Baby A) was always chilling out, waving hello to the sonogram machine. Caden (Baby B) was constantly on the move. He played hide-n-seek with the fetal heartrate monitor and was never located in the same spot.

Wait, I thought Caden was born first?
While I was pregnant, Logan was Baby A because he was below his brother. Since we had a c-section, Caden was delivered first – thus making him known as Baby A in the NICU. They’ve been sharing since birth. Literally.

I know so many people with twins now. How common are they?
According the U.S. data released in 2006, twin bundles of joy account for 3 percent of births.

The muppets were born at only 27 weeks. How dangerous is that?
Premature birth is the leading cause of newborn death worldwide. And the rate of premature birth has risen by 30 percent since 1981. Every year, 1 in 8 babies are born prematurely – that’s more than 543,000 children. Compared with one baby, twins (or other higher order multiples) in California were about six times as likely to be preterm in 2007. A traditional pregnancy lasts for 40 weeks; full term is considered at 37 weeks. The muppets arrived in the middle of their 27th week – 12 weeks early.

How do you do it?
By wholeheartedly embracing the Nike slogan. We just do it.

Boy, do you have your hands full.
Thank you. We are extremely blessed.

You must be SO busy/tired/stressed.
Are you volunteering to clean my house?

Is it twice as hard?
It’s all we know. Technically I don’t think so, as logistically there are some things we do at the same time for each muppet. However, this is not an argument I would recommend lobbing at a busy/tired/stressed mother of multiples. (It won’t go well.)

I’ve always wanted twins. I think it would be cool.
Good luck with that.

Which one is the evil twin?
They are my million dollar miracle muppets. You will hear me repeating this mantra again when they are rambunctious adventurous teenagers.

When one cries, does he wake the other?
No. Twins cannot hear each other’s cries because they only communicate with their special telepathic twin language. More likely, they’re just used to hearing the other one cry so it’s not as startling. That or he’s already cried himself beyond exhaustion and is too tired to be bothered by his brother’s tantrum.

Who do they look like?
They both look like their father, so they’re seriously handsome dudes. Logan has the Staypuff marshmallow shape Jon had as a baby. Caden is longer and leaner, with several of my facial features. Cutest. Muppets. Ever.

I think you’re a brilliant writer and would like to offer you a book deal.
Contact me immediately. I have lots of fabulous ideas and great stories to tell…

Double Trouble?
Absolutely. And loving every minute of it.

Do people really ask these questions?
Each and every one.

9 responses to “FAQ

  1. Pingback: Frequently Asked Questions | Double Trouble

  2. When did they first sleep through the night?
    Do they have their first tooth?
    How often do you change them?
    Dont you go through a ton of diapers?
    What’s for dinner? (haha)

    This is only the beginning, you’ll be asked a ton of questions for a long time. Soon, it will be the boys asking, “Why?” to everything you say.

  3. Awesome post…but now I feel kid of bad that I asked if twins run in your family. Oh well. If that’s the worst thing I have said, amen. =) I love “are they the same age?” Perfect.

  4. i think most of us are in freeze mode feeling badly that we may have partaken in asking these questions! my darling, if i may say this ever so lovingly as you are like a sister to me: glass of wine and a bubble bath. clinically indicated 😉

    • No feeling bad! These are just questions that I get asked a lot. Many of the the annoying questions are only so when posed by random strangers. You, obviously, when asked “Do I know you” can respond, “All to well my dear.” That means you can ask any question you like. 🙂

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